October 5, 2021, 8:46 A.M.
This morning I'm thinking about a nice warm breakfast from a restaurant: Hot coffee that is slightly burnt, warm donuts with cinnamon and sugar coated on all sides, biscuits and gravy with a side of fruit (because balance). And then another coffee, that one slightly less burnt than the last.
Zack and I are on a "no eating out" challenge to save money. It has made us eat better and feel better but damn, every once in awhile, on a calm foggy Tuesday, a served breakfast just hits the spot. Our power is low, it's been cloudy for days and our alternator charger just isn't cutting it. Also I'm just tired of eating my own cooking...
We are having a "work on the van" day because there is a lot we need to do still.
Thoughts about aging, youth and death. As I look at my 24 year old hands and notice the scars from various art projects, I became grateful for my health and youth. One day, I will look at these hands and try to remember when they were less wrinkly. It will be interesting to physically notice the process of life, aging and begin to look forward to the foreseeable future, death. The timeline of past, present, and future has sometimes crept into my concepts but are always present thoughts in my mind. I try to stay in the present as much as I can, van life kind of forces that upon you. When I have thoughts of the past, it often causes depression to creep in due to overthinking situations or regrets. When I have thoughts of the future, it often causes anxiety, LOTS of anxiety. One because I tend to me an anxious person. And two, the future...my future is so uncertain. I mostly chose this path for myself, pandemic aside. And I wouldn't change a thing about it. The art world turned out to be just like every other career, you climb the ladder to get to the "golden castle" of success. I thought it would be different. But what is success?
My brain is getting wandery and my stomach is getting hungry.
My mind is "emptier."
Daily mood monitor/self reflection: